Navigating a Major Life Transition

July 19, 2022, I woke up feeling like I got hit by a truck, feverish, chills, achy all the symptoms of an illness coming on. I couldn't believe it, I had just gotten back from a weekend of ball provincials with my son and husband and now I had a week off from my job to take our 3 kids to swimming lessons. It was suppose to be a week of relaxation and some sun for me, I had been really looking forward to it. I had also booked in clients on the following Friday for my side hustle of live blood cell analysis and functional hormone testing, it was what I had been pursuing for the last 3 yrs. Seeing clients on my Friday's off and sometimes after I was done my regular job. Could you say I was busy? Yes, but I didn't feel any busier than the rest of my friends who worked full time and had kids. Why should I complain when everyone else was just as busy or busier. So, back to feeling like poop, I knew I had to get my kids to swimming lessons and it was too late to ask someone to help me out so we packed up and were on our way, hoping I would feel better once I was there.

Well it definitely didn't improve, I started running a fever while at the pool and by the time I got home I could barely function. I relied on my husband and my wonderful mom for the rest of the week, I had to cancel and reschedule my clients on Friday and basically I was on the couch for the week. Little did I know this was the just the beginning for me...

My illness lasted a few days of fever and chills, body aches and sleepless nights. After about four days of this, my anxiety started to creep in, I felt so exhausted from not sleeping, not eating, being sick and trying to keep up with life that the overwhelming feeling of everyday duties paralyzed me. My anxiety hit full force and one morning I woke shaking, nauseated and unable to cope or function. It was at this time that my husband and my mom knew I had hit another burnout. This wasn't the first time my anxiety has thrown me down, it was actually the third time in my life. I stop eating, I shake uncontrollably, and I can't sleep. Basically I can not function as a wife, mother, or person. The most important people in my life are the ones who suffer the most from this.

After a week of laying on the couch and not seeing much improvement, I knew something had to change in my life. The definition of insanity is to repeat the same thing over and over and expect a different result. By the third time I felt like I was defining that. I needed a change and I needed a big one. I had tried changing my diet, meditation, exercise, supplements, all the things but yet I still could not get my anxiety under control. Deep down I knew what I had to do but actually taking the leap of faith was the hardest part of it all. I needed to quit my job. I felt like I was letting people down, even though they had never said as much. It was ingrained in my mind that I should do what is expected of me and that I should be happy. I had a great marriage, three healthy, happy kids, a wonderful support team, a good paying job but yet I felt unfulfilled. Why is it that life seems to be perfect on the outside while a storm continuously brews on the inside?

Once I made the decision and said it out loud to the ones closest to me, it was as if a weight was lifted off of me that I didn't even realize I had been carrying. I knew I had made the right decision for my mind, body and soul. I had been with the same company for just over 12 yrs, it had treated me well and had helped my husband and I create the life we wanted for ourselves and kids but it was time for a change. That week I told my boss of my decision and gave my notice to be done two weeks from that date. I had enough holidays to use up that I didn't go back to work and I started my healing journey.

The first to work on was regulating my nervous system which was completely shot. My body could not handle even the slightest bit of stress, if one of the kids got sick or hurt, I would feel anxious all over again, I couldn't sleep, lost my appetite and felt like I was losing it. So I started walking, everyday. Walking has always been medicine for me, something about being outside with nature and moving continuously helps to bring me back to my center. When I experienced a similar burnout in Hawaii, I would walk for 2hrs every morning along the beaches, it was the most amazing experience for me and grounded me more than I could imagine. At first my walks were very short, I was too weak to go any longer than 15-20 minutes and my pace was slow, thankfully my mom was there to keep me company on these walks. Overtime, as my appetite returned and I grew stronger my walks became longer and faster paced. Now that I wasn't getting up at 4:30 every morning, I had the time to actually go for walks in the morning and I made sure to take advantage of it. After a few weeks of really listening to what I needed, I was slowly starting to feel like myself. I was very conscious of my stress and I began to learn how to say no to invitations that I knew were not favourable for my health. Realizing that I had the power to control my schedule was liberating, yes there were still things out of my control but I had MORE control over my schedule than I had ever had before. This was a game changer for me.

As September neared, back to school hustle and bustle came with it, along with a new routine for me. Little did I know, navigating this new routine was about to teach me a few more lessons on this journey of mine! Stay tuned for more on my healing journey...